If I had to take a wild guess, I’d say that you might be a little frustrated with your current situation right now. Your friendships, living situation, or career may not be going according to plan, and you’re feeling more stressed than #blessed. You’re wondering what more you can do — what needs to change. But, I think the answer is, well, nothing. Everything you need and want should find you, and simply put: You need to know the things to stop looking for in life.
The first time I learned this lesson was a couple of summers ago. I was desperately looking for a job that I loved, wanted to be writer, and had a few companies in mind. It wasn’t until I started being patient, hopeful, and ambitious, though, that I found exactly what I was looking for.
Seemingly so quickly, everything fell into place. I got an offer, quit my retail job, and a few days later, was talking to you about lifestyle, travel, and Instagram-related things. The pattern repeated itself again when I found my significant other seven or eight months later. (Thanks, universe. I owe a lot to you.)
I learned that everything really does happen for a reason, and became a living and breathing example that your life unfolds the way it’s supposed to. Sometimes, you just need to let it happen instead of trying to make it happen. You need to stop looking for these five things, and know that they will find you. Pinky promise?
1. Your Soulmate
First things first: Please stop looking for your soulmate. Stop believing that you won’t have true happiness or love in your life until you find that special someone. You can, and more importantly, will. The universe is simply waiting for you to shift your focus onto something else.
It’s waiting for you to learn to love yourself — to become independent and joyful without another person by your side. It’s watching you bloom into the best version of yourself, so that you can be an incredible partner one day.
And when that “one day” comes, you’ll know it. You’ll go on a first date and everything will feel right, or you’ll be casually hanging out with your friends and meet someone who understands your heart. Just keep doing you, and your soulmate will come to you.
2. Your True Friendships
Next, don’t force the friendships in your life. Don’t push people to understand your points of view or your deep passion for strawberry ice cream. Don’t encourage them to be someone they’re not, just for the sake of you finding your “person,” either.
Like your soulmate, that kind of true and genuine relationship will come with time and naturally fall into place. You might start a new job and find a bestie who watches Brooklyn Nine-Nine too, or laughs at all your favorite memes. You’ll bond over lunch dates and coffee, and make memories without even noticing it.
Truth is, it’s easy to watch your favorite sitcoms like New Girl or Friends, and want those friendships that seem to last forever. (Girl, same.) But, you’re not supposed to look for them. Got it? Good.
3. Your Peace And Quiet
I’m a firm believer that everybody deserves some peace and quiet. For some, this may be taking a weekend to catch up on “me” time and recharge. For others, this may be cutting ties with a toxic friend or clingy roommate.
What peace and quiet is not, though, is a chase or a race. It’s not rushing to complete everything on your to-do list now, so that you can sleep until noon tomorrow. It’s not telling yourself over and over again that you’ll be happy once you reach a certain goal or dream.
Instead, it’s learning to enjoy the climb. It’s looking for beauty in every day and situation, and ditching the concept of “all-or-nothing.” Right now, you’re creating so much noise in your life in your pursuit of peace and quiet. Don’t do that, OK?
4. Your Inner Compass
Sometimes, when life gives you a tough situation or decision to make, you may feel stuck. You start to overthink, well, mostly everything, and look toward other people for their opinions, thoughts, and a little clarity. Your mind begins to run in circles, and so you sit on your couch and think, “Ugh!” I’ve been there and done that, too.
Can I lend a helping hand, or at least a hidden secret about life? Sweet. Here it goes: Stop looking for all the answers, and let them come to you. Take a deep breath, go outside and breathe in the fresh air, and detach from the situation or decision for a little while.
When you return, your gut will be speaking to you, loud and clear. It’ll guide you to what you’ve been looking for and remind you that you have a reliable compass with you, all the time.
5. Your Future
Last but not least, let me be (maybe) the first to tell you that you don’t need to have your future entirely figured out. Yes, contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to have the answers to questions like, “What do you want to do for the rest of your life,” and “Where do you see yourself living in five years?” And that’s because, it’s almost impossible to know.
Your path is constantly growing and changing, and that’s a very good thing. You’re finding new places you love, passions that you want to pursue, and people you care about. (Honestly, celebrate it all. It’s incredible.)
Sure, you may run into lots of people who believe otherwise, and will tell you that you’re “supposed” to be doing one thing or another by this decade of your life. Consider those conversations to just be noise, and know that your future — like many of the things you’re currently looking for — will simply come to you.