It’s Scary, It’s Unpredictable, It’s Bloody Fantastic
As I’m in full preparation mode for my big move to Budapest coming January, I haven’t been the active writer I wanted to be. With plenty of excitement, however, I can assure you that it’s only temporary. You see, the divine purpose of my journey to the unknown is that I’m in full pursuit of both my writing and music career.
Even though I’m currently not putting out as much as I want to — or should, I believe that being focused on the moving process right now will free my mind all the more afterwards. I want to be properly prepared for that which I know will change my life significantly.
Time really does fly by though, doesn’t it? When I was reading some great articles from last week yesterday, my fingers started itching after realizing that I’ve been silent for too long. When you are being so focused on planning out the next months and years, you sometimes forget that you’re also alive in the present.
So I felt compelled to write about something that has been decorating in my mind for a while now.
Yesterday evening, when I was making my list of clothes to take with me, a thought came to my mind:
“this is the craziest, yet most exciting decision I’ve ever made.”
It can feel quite ambiguous when you say this to yourself. You are, of course, very happy about the fact that an exciting future is knocking at your door, although, it can also remind you that these moments haven’t occurred that frequently in the past before.
You realize that you might have been sleeping for a long time. I know that I have.
A New Country, A New Chapter
I’ve always envisioned myself living abroad. There was going to come a time when I would leave it all behind to pursue my true calling. I would live “the artist way”, but I would do so with a clear plan and hard work.
Exactly one year ago, my friend and I went to live in Budapest for a month, and I instantly fell in love. I fell in love with the nature, the beauty, the culture, the food, the girl…
I think I already knew during that trip that I would soon return and stay there indefinitely. It would be the place where I could focus on my art and my mission in peace; a place where all the negative voices from the past would fade with time.
That moment is coming closer.
I have no idea what the future will bring me. But, if we’re being honest, does anyone really know? I do believe that I’m making the right decision. What’s more important, is that I’m intentionally making A decision. Because that’s what moves you forward the most in life: decisions following decisions.
Your future can somehow be visualized by intentionally steering the evolving present the way you want it to go.
And these aren’t decisions based on what other people think is right for you. They are based on what you think is right for you.
It isn’t about being a passenger in the car, driving wherever it brings you. It’s about driving the car yourself to wherever you intent to go.
I have tried a lot of things in my life, most of them influenced by the pressure of “keeping up” with everyone around me. And yet, when I ask them what they would REALLY like to do in their life, the answer is seldom what they are currently doing.
I don’t want that. I need my creativity, and I want to make it the center of my being.
Furthermore, spending my time and energy on polishing my creativity is what makes my life meaningful. It might not render sufficient money at the start, it might not seem rational to the people around me, but it makes me happier than anything else does. I don’t need anyone to tell me how or what to feel.
You don’t need everyone to tell you what you need.
Also, creativity is all ours. You feel electrified when you are unleashing your potential. You feel proud of yourself after having created something that’s completely you. Creativity nourishes the soul. It makes you happy.
And that is quite important, isn’t it? Feeling happy? Doing the things that make you feel alive? I realized that whenever something is holding me back from creating my art, I feel the exact opposite way.
No More Sleeping Through Life
“Under this mask did my proteus nature hide itself.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have listened to too many people in the past. They like telling you how you should live your life, how you have to do everything they do. There is just one big problem in that narrative:
Their journey is not your journey, their goals not your goals.
When you are restraining your true self in order to “fit in”, you are not only lying to yourself, you’re also withholding the world from the value and beauty only you have the power to bestow upon it.
Enough of that. I’m not willing to sacrifice my vision for those of others any longer, and neither should you. I’m going full Michelangelo. I’m going all in. For me and for you.
I’m working hard on planning, studying and conceptualizing what I’m setting out to do. It’s all very exciting to me, and I will share everything when the time is right.
This next journey is scary, it’s unpredictable, it’s bloody fantastic. But it’s also not going to be easy. It can be whatever it wants to be. Giving up is not an option.
I’m willing to scrape by, live small, ask for help, be thought of as foolish or weird, feel scared and feel lonely, be little, be uncomfortable, struggle and suffer, be laughed at, be judged, but there is one thing I will not accept: Regret.
Regret is killing many souls in this world.
I choose to live in the realm of the creatives, because that is where this boy belongs. That’s where I’ve always belonged. I knew this for a long time.
Chances are that you’ve known this for a long time about yourself as well. It’s something you’ve kept silent for so long, held back for too long. Maybe it’s because of your upbringing and environment. Maybe it’s because of your friends’ opinions about life. Maybe it’s because of your job.
“Live no longer to the expectations of these deceived and deceiving people with whom we converse. But so may you give these friends pain. Yes, but I cannot sell my liberty and my power to save their sensibility.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ultimately, I’m going to die. We all are. I do not know how, I do not know when — it doesn’t matter. I will die gladly knowing it will be on my own terms. I’ll die a self-sufficient, free man — a fulfilled man, no matter how cliché or ancient that sounds.
Don’t let regret kill you. Don’t let regret be the first feeling you experience when you look back on your past life. You know what’s important to you right now. You know what you want deep inside.
Go get it.
My most important job — and only job, is becoming the man I want to be. A man who dedicates his life to helping other men who feel lost and imprisoned through art, vulnerability, and companionship. In that way, my most important job is you. I want my creativity — my life to revolve around that.
Before I go, I implore you, dear readers:
Listen to yourself.