Besides what you’re super nice best friend might say, you actually matter more than you think.
Influencers like Gary Vee and Mel Robbins give you endorphin rushes to take on life. Maybe it’s because they talk about the same statistic of how likely it is that you were born:
1 in 400 trillion.
Starting with the impossible number of people in the world — and the probability that your specific dad met your specific mom — and the probability that your dad chose to pester your mom to meet again — and the probability that they stuck around long enough to try for a kid — and the probability that the right reproductive magic came together — AND that every generation before your parents succeeded in sustaining the chain of life that lead to yours.
That’s the math.
That statistic would have meant nothing to me during sophomore year in college. My main wall decor was sharpie-inked note cards that read,
“LIFE IS A JOKE.”
I would ruminate in existential questioning
then throw questions at poor victims like,
“What’s the point of ALL of this?”
And they either shrugged or said
Changing the world,
But I felt like those answers were subsidiary reasons more than origin explanations. Okay, except the God thing, but that still didn’t really make sense to me.
The only answer that gave me some relief was the fact that our future is uncertain because that briefly alleviated the mindset that my present hell (mainly just fighting my own mind) would be forever.
And now it’s three years later, and I never thought I would say this, but I’m starting to believe life is still worth living even if none of us can really justify the real reason for life itself.
So here was the first big game changer for me:
I accepted that even if we can’t prove our existential value on an intellectual level, we will always have existential value on an emotional value.
Family, friends, and the people yet to meet — someone cares about you. Even if you’re in a position where it seems like no one does, there is ALWAYS someone.
Even probability itself decided to care by computing you to be the 1 in 400 trillion.
The second big game changer for me:
Time and new experiences.
The worst feeling is when see you see no end to your hellish mind or circumstances. But what’s worse is believing the lie that our thoughts and circumstances will NEVER change.
It’s impossible to never experience change because even if not macro, microchanges happen all the time.
Like encountering new people or impacting someone in a way you didn’t even know
That’s not to say that my mind doesn’t go back to old patterns. Honestly moving to a new city felt like a drawn out hiccup from college sophomore year. Real life happens and it’s okay to be drifting to our other emotions.
But what’s not okay is to forget or refuse to believe that our lives are actually do matter.