There comes a time where you sometimes have to accept that someone you really want just isn’t the one for you. It’s sad and heartbreaking but also a harsh truth that many of us have to face. This is me accepting that reality.
This is me accepting that you’ll never be mine. Ever. Not now. Not in the future. Your road is not paved to go the same way as mine. And while so badly I want to convince that it is, I think somewhere deep down inside of me I always knew.
It doesn’t make us bad people. It doesn’t make you the villain. It just means that you were not expected to be the main character in my story. While what I want is to wake up next to you, wrapped in your arms and see the breaking dawn with you, it’s never going to happen.
I almost wonder if it would have been better if we had never met. Maybe the neat little world that I had built would have remained fully intact. Instead, your storm came through and crashed into me so fast and so hard that I will never be the same after. My heart may have been in my hand the entire time reaching out to you, but you were never going to be the one to keep it safe.
It breaks my heart to know that you will never be the person I spend lazy Sundays with. You won’t be the one I look over at on our front porch when we’re in our 70s and think ‘yeah I love you more now.’ You won’t be that person because you don’t want to be. I can’t make you want me, even though I’ve tried.
This is me accepting that this is just not our destiny. Our souls aren’t meant to intertwine. Our hearts will never beat as one. We will never be a real thing — something that is so utterly palpable that people can feel it when they walk past us.
And even though I’m accepting there will never be an us, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It doesn’t mean that I won’t carry you with me forever. Because it just doesn’t work like that. You can accept that someone isn’t your forever but still know that they’ve affected you so profoundly that it’s hard not to take pieces of them with you.
There’ll be times that I’m going to wonder where you are. I’m going to think about that maybe I should call just to catch up with no other intention other than to see how you are. But I won’t reach out. I won’t because we’ve said our goodbyes and we’ve made peace. If I were to reach out, it would just ruin all the progress that I’ve made to move on without you.
There are many things I hope for you. That you meet someone who loves you as much as I do. That you follow your dreams and don’t give up when it gets hard. That you find your inner strength and know that you are entirely enough. I wish you blue skies and summer nights that make your heart feel full.
So, this is me accepting that you’ll never be mine no matter how much it hurts to move on. This is me saying goodbye without wanting to. This is me knowing that your future is bright but so is mine. And while they’re not one and the same, I’ll never forget you.