Fuel our passion. If we look to our partners and relationships with the expectation of them single-handedly becoming our passion, we will all come up short every time.
Balance is easier done than said in my experience. My search for joy may seem like it has little to do with my relationship, but it has everything to do with what I bring to my relationship. A lot of excuses are made-up each day to compensate for our discomfort with the (sometimes heavy) reality of our choices.
A lot of excuses are made each day to compensate for our discomfort with the (sometimes heavy) reality of our choices.
For years I told myself that by getting out of my sport as an Equestrian, returning would be a stressful, disappointing, or in some way an inefficient journey while climbing the ladder in corporate America. Boy was I wrong. I sacrificed a lot of years telling myself a life. We all do in one way or another. And when we talk about balance, we rarely talk about it until we need a reason to avoid judgment from external sources.
For example, we say things like, “I am going to try and disconnect this Friday since I never really get time away with my family.” The reality of what we are saying is, “I have chosen not to prioritize my family. Oops, gotta go fix that, then I will be back to fix this.” This example of (im)balance is about extremes, abandoning one massive part of our life to fill another. This pattern is not balanced to be clear. But, everyone has done it, right? Right. That is okay; it is about learning the art of balance.
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.” – Henry David Thoreau
For me, I know at one point, I justified my lack of pursuit for things that brought me passion. I said things in conversations like, “What I love takes a lot of money. I don’t have the time. The job I have does not allow for this kind of commitment. Going back to it now would be rough. I’m better off finding something new to fill that void.”
The excuses of time, money, and physical abilities are all lies I told myself.
I know you are probably wondering, what in the heck does this have to do with relationships? Let me explain.
I have a significant other, a dog, bills, people to feed, employees to manage, and responsibilities to manage. I have no shortage of places to find an excuse. Life is a culmination of our choices, not our excuses. The decision to act with courage will force us to examine the balance we feel (or don’t feel). When we try to do too little, we feel less excitement in our own lives; when we are not pursuing our passions, life can feel like shades of beige.
When I spend hours and hours saying YES to the things that excite or inspire me, people ask, “How do you have time for all that?” Not making time for it would cause me to show up as a lesser version of myself. Who wants a partner that sacrifices their passion for being home to make dinner? I would much rather have a partner that is doing the things that fuel his fire.
Not making time for it would cause me to show up as a lesser version of myself in my relationship with my partner.
I believe that balance is something many people get wrong.
The reality is, once you are a bill-paying citizen, the responsibilities you experience will only increase with time. Your joy and passions do not have to decrease as responsibilities increase. In my mind, life should work oppositely: We should be continuously adding more of the things we love to balance the things in life we must do.
In relationships, balance is an essential concept because love and passion are fueled when we are growing, not standing still. We must be at our center.
We must be at our center.
In my mind, balance requires us to live expansively. Fuel our passion. If we look to our partners and relationships with the expectation of them single-handedly becoming our passion, we will all come up short every time. In essence, love is expansive the same way life is, and balance is critical — not the balance of other priorities, but the balance between ourself and our relationship. Once we build time for what is essential, the world clears a path to support everything we bring in. As we make love, layers of communication, connection techniques, and time management become key. Why? These skills force us to move past scarcity and fear. We must find balance in our connection the same way we find balance within our life. One thing cannot be our be-all, end-all. By pushing everything in our life to its bounds, we give the world around us an invitation to expand. When relationships are not evolving and growing, like a plant, they are dying and any partner that wants you to choose between them and what you love…let that sh!t go ASAP (unless you love toxic stuff and in that case, examine all of it a bit further)
The best advice I can give around balance is — If you aren’t looking forward, you are planning to stand still. Be where you are and move toward where you wish to be. Set your eyes on your intention and life will find balance.
Relationships (internal or external) and this concept of balance may not be easy, but by fulfilling your passions and pushing yourself — you will become the partner that allows love to live.