Original Link : https://medium.com/swlh/an-open-letter-to-us-for-when-we-need-to-love-ourselves-e9c47fd95b09

A reminder that you’re worth more than you know.

Hey you,

I hope you’re doing well, but I guess if you were then you wouldn’t be here. The title must have made you recognise something in yourself that needs changing.

You don’t love yourself enough, do you?

It’s heartbreaking how you’ve learned to feel this way about yourself. We need to change that.


I remember in school, we had a golden rule. “Treat others the way you’d like yourself to be treated.” I think it’s time we flip that around.

Have you ever noticed how you treat yourself? The mean words you say, the bullying that’s going on in your head? It’s making you feel worthless, and it isn’t fair.

I used to be like you.

Every day, I filled my head with unkind words. I beat myself up.

“You’re a failure,” I would say. “You’re never going to pass your exams.”

But then I passed with good grades.

“You’re useless,” I thought. “You couldn’t even get an A.”

And you know what? I kept beating myself up about my results until I was putting myself under huge amounts of pressure.

I was exhausted, mentally drained and extremely stressed. But I got an A, and then another, and another — and it still never felt like enough.

Nothing I could do was enough to stop those voices in my head.

They kept growing, louder and louder. They had more things to say.

“You’re too fat. You take up too much space.”

“You’re useless. You can never do anything right.”

“You’re too messy. You’re an embarrassment when you eat.”


Three years ago, my entire day was full of negative self-talk.

I couldn’t let go of the small things. Every day was spent crying.

Something had to change.

With a lot of therapy, I started working towards being kinder to myself.

It was hard, believe me. But I reminded myself that my standards were impossibly high. Instead of recognising everything I did wrong, I praised myself for everything I did right.

Every day, I made sure to do something to treat myself. All my time had been spent working and studying, so some days I let myself watch a film to unwind. Other times, I would throw my diet to the wind and allow myself to eat cake.

I stopped worrying that I wasn’t using every second as best I could to get ahead in my career. I gave myself space to enjoy my life.


So you know all that negative self talk?

It’s no good for you. It’s soul-destroying and there’s no way to justify it.

Enough people will try to drag you down. Why would you help them?

This has to be the moment you give it up and start loving yourself. Because if not now, when?

Please try, every day, to treat yourself the way you treat others. And I don’t mean those moments where you were at your absolute worst — forget them. Think of how kind you can be and give some of that kindness to yourself.

Treat yourself to a night full of your favourite comforts. Give yourself time to meet with friends and enjoy them. Start looking at what you can do to make your life easier.

When you’re ready, listen to how you speak to yourself. You’re your harshest critic. Why is that? Where did that voice come from? Who taught you to hate yourself? It’s worth figuring out. Learn why you treat yourself like a villain.


The good things about you outweigh the bad, trust me.

It’ll take time but grab a pen and write them down as they come to you. Next time you’re giving out about how terrible you are, give them a read. We all have flaws but you are still a fantastic person.

You’re not useless. You’ve done so many great things. Against all your struggles, you’ve made it this far.

You’re not a failure. Your greatest successes just haven’t happened yet.

You’re not worthless. You’re priceless.

I don’t know what’s made you feel this way. You might hate yourself because of your weight (I’ve been there many times). It could be you did one bad thing and you replay it every day. I don’t know why.

But you do not deserve to feel this way.

You deserve love. You deserve joy. You deserve to have the infinite amount of love you give to others showered back on you. You deserve your own love.

So treat yourself the way you treat others. It’s our new golden rule.