Original Link : https://medium.com/the-bolt-hole/before-you-fall-in-love-with-anyone-else-make-sure-you-love-you-d00fdfe0ea48

Know your value and you will demand respect

You might be on a mission to find someone to love you the way you need to cherish yourself. Perhaps you focus on how partners treat you and find them disrespectful. How they regard you, though, may reflect how you feel.

I recall a talk by the counselor of celebrities Marisa Peer. She recounted a tale about a wealthy, but unhappy client.

Nothing was ever enough for him. New cars, women, property, gadgets, fame, you name it; he had it, yet he couldn’t satiate a gnawing need.

The fundamental trouble, Marissa explained, was he didn’t recognize his anxiety came from not feeling good enough. He disliked himself.

To eliminate a sense of self-condemnation, he bought things and worked at becoming even more successful, and he was excellent at that. Nonetheless, nothing outside himself could ever fix him. The difficulty was inside and only he could make himself better.

You need not be rich or famous to suffer from the feeling you’re inadequate. As a counselor, I too, saw many clients who didn’t like themselves. In fact, I struggle to remember even one who felt acceptable when they first came for help.

You’re in charge of you

There’s no avoiding the fact if you don’t like who you are, no one and nothing outside you can make you better. People can highlight what’s wrong, but you must make change happen.

Before you fall in love with anyone else, ensure you love you. Fall in love with the funny things you do. The way you laugh, dance, or how kind you are. Enjoy your own company. Care for yourself. Make your life purposeful and gratifying.

You need to understand liking yourself means a lot

First, it’s crucial to recognize how important it is to like yourself. Plenty of people are adverse to the notion, notably when told they can’t create excellent relationships until they are self-cherishing.

Unless you like yourself, you won’t claim respect. You’ll let people walk over you, and you’ll never point out your value as you don’t appreciate how much you’re worth.

Self-dislike makes you seek love in the wrong places

If you dislike yourself, you don’t know you can fulfill your needs and you seek other people (or things, like notoriety and prosperity) to do the job for you. You need proof you’re okay, but never believe the evidence you uncover enough to stop seeking.

You might be on a mission to find someone to love you the way you need to cherish yourself. Perhaps you focus on how they treat you, and their behavior isn’t good enough. How they regard you, and you them, though, may reflect how you feel.

The most meaningful relationship you’ll ever have is with you. Your assessment of you matters more than anyone else’s if it’s about your value.

To be powerful, you must first recognize your significance

If you don’t appreciate yourself, you need to acknowledge this leads to pain and accept liability for setting change in motion. A paradox, perhaps, since you must like yourself enough to wish to do so.

No amount of credentials, acclaim, or friends who admire you will solve the issue. You must polish how you see yourself and explore how valuable you are. Peer asked her client to change his belief system using affirmations and mirror work. (Scrawl “I am enough” on your bathroom mirror for instance).

Practice approving of yourself instead of being critical

Note how you let people treat you. Does their behavior sometimes reflect your opinion about you?

Now and then pause and consider how someone who liked themselves would behave in the moment. Then do it. You might put on a sweater because you’re chilly, or find a cushion and get comfy where you’re sat.

Perhaps you may listen to music, light a candle stand up for yourself, or stop listening to critical self-talk. Or you might walk away from someone who is unkind.

Focus on gratitude rather than lack

Instead of seeking proof you’re likable, seek reasons to be grateful for your qualities. What do you appreciate about you? Maybe you admire beauty in nature, art, or music. Perhaps you have an inquiring mind, love of poetry, connection with animals, or something else. Start liking these things about you.

Before you fall in love with anyone else, ensure you love you. Fall in love with the funny things you do. The way you laugh, dance, or how kind you are. Enjoy your own company. Care for yourself. Make your life purposeful and gratifying.

Be the best amour you ever had. Only then will you realize you don’t need anyone else to do this for you. You’ll unravel what’s appealing about you until self-appreciation sinks into your subconscious.

When you like yourself, you won’t demand evidence you’re okay. You’ll perceive you’re worthy of love and respect. People will mirror your healthy self-image, but the coolest part is, you won’t require them to because you’ll feel good enough without their endorsement.