Original Link : https://medium.com/swlh/how-to-love-yourself-eb9205483e12

A modern-day romance

We live in a world where images of perceived perfection are constantly forced upon us. A world of social media, where influencers carefully curate their lives to show us only the very best of the best and then we do the same. We wouldn’t dream of sharing something mundane, negative or too real because then, everyone will know that we and our lives aren’t good enough.

So it’s hardly surprising there are so many suffering from self-loathing.

We live in a ‘comparative world’ where we believe we’ll never match up to those sparkling celebrities, influencers or even our friends. And so the self-loathing grows, imposter syndrome creeps in and you become an expert in self-sabotage.

All this just to manage your disappointment — after all, you never could do that anyway.


But how can we live differently I hear you cry?

Well, my dear friends, follow these four — not so simple steps — and you’ll make a start.

Phone a friend

There’s no denying making this call or sending this message will take a monumental amount of courage but it will be worth it.

We often take our closest relationships for granted, never taking a minute to question why someone else likes — or even loves — to have us around. But if you could know that one — or most likely multiple — special things they see in you, it’s a gamechanger. Trust me on this one.

To make it easier, start by telling them why you love having them as a friend and ask them to do the same. Remember though, your nearest and dearest won’t need a reason to tell you why you’re the bomb, but doing it this way might make it easier for you to hit send.

Woo yourself

If you were to date yourself how would you make you, fall in love with you?

If you have no idea where to start, find out your ‘Love Language’. This is the way that you like to communicate and receive your love and affection. Then use your results to strengthen existing relationships, but also to build a new loving relationship with yourself.

So if you like to receive gifts, go and buy yourself that item you’ve been coveting.

If you prefer quality time then pencil that in with yourself regularly. This could be to read, meditate or whatever your favourite hobby is. But, make sure you engage with whatever you’re doing — you can’t be passive here.

You get the idea you need to take the time to do something for just for you.

Get out of your head

This is a tough one. Be brutally honest with yourself and put pen to paper. Get those negative thoughts out of your head and as soon as you do they’ll begin to lose their power.

Read them over and do ‘The Work’. Imagined by Byron Katie — of all-round awesomeness — this simple framework helps you come to terms with negative beliefs about yourself, others and the world around you.

To begin, ask yourself the following four questions;

You may be surprised at the freedom you feel by just completing this first step. But I urge you to continue. To learn more follow this link and everything you’ll need is there.

Overwrite the negativity

If you tell yourself something enough you start to believe it. If you say you’re fat and ugly every day when you get out the shower that becomes your reality. You are fat and ugly and no one can ever tell you any different.

But flip those negative beliefs into positive ones and you’ll begin to believe those instead. Then hey presto, you’re body beautiful encapsulated.

Well, it may not be that quick but work at it. Write these new positive thoughts and beliefs down, say them out loud, every single day and it won’t be long before you stop questioning them and take them as fact instead.

If you’re not sure what I’m on about have a look at this article about writing affirmations.


If you’ve managed to read all the way to the end of this you’re already on the road to self-love. To quote the old adage, it’s about the journey, not the destination.

Self-inquiry is hard for a reason, you have to open up to yourself — your toughest critic — and delve deep into all those nasty, icky things you try to hide. But think of all the energy you could save if you didn’t have to hide? What if you could bring that ickiness to the surface and own it.

So do it.

It’s your time to have control, to take that first step and all those risks. Time to believe you are as good — if not better — than anyone else.

To love yourself is to have your own superpower in the face of adversity. To know that you are showing up in your corner every day fighting and believing in yourself will level up your life. You’ll move away from the world of sabotage and depression to one of hope and inspiration.