No matter how much pain you are experiencing, you should always remember that everything that happens to us has its time and rhythm, and ultimately everything passes, everything comes and everything changes.
In order to get through hard times we need patience, time and reflection, which is not that easy, but it is not impossible. Then the day will come when you remember what happened as a great learning experience.
Absolutely everything that happens to us has a beginning and an end, so if something negative happens, do not despair even though it may bother you. And if you are in a comforting stage, remember to make the most of it to have it as a good memory.
Patience is fundamental
He who has patience, lacks nothing. With patience, you are able to advance and enjoy the journey, take on changes and not allow the present to escape.
We have all at some point yearned for the hands on the clock to move more quickly or for the pages of the calendar to flip over hastily. However, if we exercise patience we’ll have the opportunity to reflect on the significance of what happens to us and what we want to make happen.
There is a Chinese proverb that holds in itself a highly therapeutic teaching: If something has a solution, why worry? And if it doesn’t already have a solution, why worry?
There will always be something that will remain
The truth is that although everything passes, there will always be something that will remain from what has happened. Almost always, it’s something that has been learned from the circumstance, and it gets engrained into our memory and soul and becomes part of who we are, our essence.
When our concerns are excessive and the accompanying tension is almost unbearable, we must repeat that everything passes and everything changes. How can we do it?
When facing distressing events or times, we must realize those internal stimuli and external events that generate anxiety or distress in us.
Ideally we should use relaxation strategies through breathing or other activities that help us focus on the here and now (for example, stress painting).
In this way we will minimize negative expectations and predictions, focusing attention on the present moment. We cannot get carried away by our anticipation for and expectations of future events.
What types of problems will we possibly have to face?
There is no magic solution to every problem, but we can implement strategies that will help us solve our concerns in the best way possible. Let’s see first what kinds of concerns we have:
Short term concerns
Such problems are immediate and, since they are fixable, we can implement problem-solving strategies. To do so, roughly:
- We have to pay attention to the problem assuming that problems are part of life and it is important to feel able to face them and try not respond impulsively.
- It is important to specify what solutions are available to us.
- We must make decisions regarding alternative solutions that have occurred to us by evaluating the pros and cons, both emotionally and based on time and effort.
- Once we have made the most sensible decision, we must implement it. If it is not a good solution, we’ll repeat the process.
Other problems or concerns that are more broad-reaching are, for example, the illness of a loved one or the state of the world. At this point we must implement strategies of self-control or positive reframing, for example.
Irrational concerns such as the end of the world or the possibility of suddenly becoming seriously ill are not based too likely on reality. In any case, it is important that we carry in our minds the idea that nothing is permanent and that life itself is changing. We advocate that learning transcends and mistakes and sadness do not. We cannot stop ourselves from drowning, but rather we keep swimming to move forward and not miss any scenery.