Original Link : https://medium.com/@DylanABuckley/giving-can-be-toxic-too-how-to-focus-more-on-yourself-and-less-on-others-8c373100590

I have a confession to make…

I give way too much to too many people!

With certain people, I find myself completely enveloped in their lives and I spend more time worrying about how they’re living rather than focusing on my own life. These people also generally invoke feelings of anxiety, jealousy, and insecurity within me. However, when I’m with them, it’s more of a high that I experience, which feeds back into the negative feelings listed above.

(Trust me, I am well aware that these feelings are my own. This is exactly why I feel the need to share this information with you!)

That’s not to say that I don’t lead my own life, that giving your time and attention to others is bad, or that you shouldn’t care about the lives of those around you.

When you give too much, however, it becomes a toxic situation that not only damages you but the relationship with the person or people in question as well. That is, if the relationship with the other person isn’t already toxic.

Eventually, you will realize that this process keeps repeating itself through many different people. You may feel the need to break free at some point or you may continuously do it while wondering, why does this keep happening to me?

Regardless of whether or not you are aware or still struggling with this issue, here is how you can place your focus on you and pull away from the negative cycle of giving all of your attention to other individuals.

1. Cultivate More Solitude in Your Life

Speaking from personal experience, you are probably latching onto others because you lack confidence, have overall low self-esteem, or don’t have enough going on in your own life to justify focusing on yourself.

When you’re dealing with the issues above, you rely on others to lift you up and make you feel worthy. During the moments that someone meets these needs, you feel amazing. If you aren’t getting enough, it heavily affects your mood and you begin to fixate on why the person isn’t giving you what you need and how poorly you feel.

The key to breaking free is to cultivate more solitude in your life and to start breaking away from these addictive people. Keep in mind that solitude and loneliness do not represent the same thing. We are all social creatures and I do not recommend that you completely cut yourself off from everyone in your life.

That being said, it is important to start finding more alone time so that you can begin focusing on yourself. It will be hard at first but it is absolutely necessary.

2. Rediscover Yourself and Your Personal Relationship

Spending more time on your own will slowly lead to introspection. You will begin to see everything from a new perspective and you will begin to wonder who you are, what you’re doing with your life, and what direction you want to move in.

Don’t fight it! Self-awareness is the first building block to focusing on yourself. Beginning to learn more about who you are will help you to better develop your relationship with yourself, which is an important aspect of freeing yourself from dependency on others.

Take this opportunity to truly evaluate yourself and your life. What do you love? What could you live without? Where do you want to be in life? Where are you currently at? What is your purpose? Are you currently living that purpose? Asking these questions will lead you to self-discovery, which brings me to my next point…

3. Fall in Love With YOU

From the moment you wake up to the moment that you go to bed, you are the only person that you have to interact with.

A lot of us live our lives on an autopilot, entirely unaware that we are real, live human beings who are just as complex and important as those around us. Ask yourself this question: do you treat yourself or interact with yourself in the same way that you interact with others?

The answer to this question is most likely a solid no. We don’t spend time with ourselves. We don’t take time out of our day to see how we are doing and what’s going on in our lives. We don’t try to learn more about ourselves and we certainly don’t try to develop a relationship with ourselves.

The most important relationship you will develop in this lifetime is the one that you have with yourself.

No one is going to be able to be there for you like you are. No one is going to be able to change your life in the way that you can. No one can do what you do. You are multiple people wrapped up in one and you are only as strong and amazing as you believe yourself to be. Discover yourself… No, love yourself and everything else will fall away. This is the key to remaining present in your own life and leaving the dependency that you experience with others.

Do you want to change the way that you interact with others? If so, you first have to change the way you interact with yourself. It’s that simple.